| i got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. |
[Feb. 18th, 2009|11:38 pm] |
| [ | I'm groovin' to |
| | the field mice | ] |
...and that's the real problem.
Gray and I are on a break (after dating for almost 2 years). It's a sick repeat of what happened with Michael, in the same time frame, with the same situation. And the problem does not lie with them--it lies with me. Entirely within me.
I think I might be a lesbian. Maybe. I don't know. I shouldn't be crying all the time, but I am, and medication doesn't help, and the people that I surround myself with don't help.
I feel like I can never give myself 100% to another person, like I'll always have this guilt, this self-loathing, looming over me. It's an awful, hollow feeling.
I just want to go through this self-discovery thing unbruised, but I don't think that's possible. It's like drawing blood--it's best for my health to examine my most essential parts, but it will hurt like hell, and it will be uncomfortable, and gory, and messy. I'll go through it kicking and screaming -- like I am now, like I always do when confronted with a shot -- and even the lollipop (of, say, lesbian relations (say)) might not be able to console me.
I just wanted anyone who's listening/reading out there to know that I'm going through a tremendous sea change. I'm sure that I'll emerge as a better person because of it, but it hurts. Oh hell, does it ever hurt. |
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| shi v. |
[Sep. 3rd, 2008|09:30 pm] |
| [ | I'm groovin' to |
| | miamiamiapprplnspprplns | ] |
i could be downstairs watching giant squid, but instead i'm up here, frying.
who's the real squid here?
inkblots, inkblots,
fear my ink.
i'm not as soft as you may think.
i have a beak
it's like a bird's
but my brain is fucking gigantic.
thank you.
-- yours truly, signed,
this generation's defining beat poet. |
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| up and atom! |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|01:25 pm] |
It's up! It's here!
http://backoftheclass.org
There it is, my little website. Jesus, that took a while.
Feel free to peruse it. It's rather small at the moment, but I trust that in time, it will grow.
The offer's still up to write for me, by the way! I'm always looking for new submissions and I would be highly indebted to you if you were inclined to write an article or two. I also plan to put up a page for in-class doodles, caricatures, humorous drawings and the like, so if you have any of those, I'd love to put those up too.
Bonus: My wordpress blog, http://sabelotodo.wordpress.com. It'll be my outlet for serious things, like poems and musings and the like. So I now have two new outlets for creativity.
I might also start updating this more. Once the well starts flowing, it's hard to stop... |
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| i'm starting a humor magazine, dammit. (part 2) |
[Oct. 30th, 2007|07:00 pm] |
| [ | I'm groovin' to |
| | Magnetic Fields | ] |
So, I bought a domain and hosting space.
http://backoftheclass.org
Bookmark that shit, I guess. And if any of you would like to contribute, just let me know! Personally, I can't write a damn thing without being sarcastic or deriding in any way, so I really need an outlet for all of my absurd writing. Theoretically, this should make it more possible for me to write serious things (like essays, term papers, etc).
I will be posting everything there [soon] for the time being. I might get a version of it circulating in print around winter or spring quarter.
~~~ |
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| a college anecdote |
[Oct. 3rd, 2007|05:50 pm] |
Today, in my Dramatic Literature class, the professor was talking about how it's interesting that in Greek plays, all the sex, violence and gods were offstage, and then messengers were used as a device to describe what happened. He noted that the person who started to break away from this tradition was Seneca, who is famous for his comedies, but also did tragedies and the like.
Apparently, Seneca did a version of Oedipus Rex that was much saucier than the version by Sophocles. The professor said that he saw this version put on few years ago, and that the violence onstage was absolutely brutal. "In fact," he said, "when Jocasta killed herself, she did it by...well...she set a spear on the ground, then sat on it."
I cracked up, and then abruptly stopped, because I noticed that the rest of the class (usually a rather lively bunch) was quiet.
I mean...that's funny, right? Committing suicide by sitting on a spear? |
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| you can't imagine the terror |
[Sep. 12th, 2007|01:23 pm] |
This morning, I was browsing the internet when suddenly "it's a small world," in all its full orchestral glory, started blasting from my speakers. I checked all my music players and the sources to all the web pages I had up, and there was nothing. I can only assume that this is further proof that I am going insane.
I mean, come on...don't you think that this is what a person sees and hears when they've gone completely off the deep end (especially around 2:45)?
I'll bet that Sylvia Plath saw it before the oven.
Edgar Allen Poe saw it, and he went on an alcoholic binge to rid himself of it (even though Walt Disney was not even born yet).
This is definitely what was going through Goya's mind when he painted things like this.
Anyway. If you just let that play, then start going about your normal business with it in the background, I think you'll start to get that same eerie feeling that creeped up on me. Augh. I need to take another shower. |
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| hahahahahaha i love discovering new subcultures |
[Aug. 15th, 2007|12:34 am] |
| [ | I'm groovin' to |
| | Of Montreal | ] |
Apparently there is a vibrant subculture for the fetish known as "pedal pumping". What is pedal pumping, you ask? It's exactly how it sounds: people get turned on by watching other people...press their feet down on brakes and gas pedals.
Oh God, this is so hot.
No shit. Nothing else. Just watching feet pressing down on pedals. Quentin Tarantino, do you have anything to do with this?
Watch one of the fetish videos here (it might be nsfw; there is a random revolution of the video clips they show, and the surrounding links lead to naughty places). The one that I saw was a close up of a bare foot pressing a gas pedal then pressing the brake.
Here is one of the fetish websites (slightly more lurid, still confusing). Here's another one. And another one.
I wonder if Dan Savage (of the sex column Savage Love [nsw]) ever got a letter from a pedal pumper?
More importantly, how could a pedal pumping fetishist ever sit through traffic or go on a road trip without getting uncontrollably excited? |
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| This week in "oh god I do not want to see that". |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|01:55 pm] |
| [ | I'm groovin' to |
| | Jeff Buckley | ] |
Remember how there was a trend in the 90s of teen movies with loose Shakespearean interpretations (10 Things I Hate About You, She's All That, etc)? Remember "She's The Man," which brought that trend screaming into this decade with a reinterpretation of Twelfth Night?
Now Disney Studios have decided to remake their own stories. This is, in case you haven't seen it plastered all over myspace already, Sydney White (originally titled Sydney White and the Seven Dorks).
A few key notes:
1) Amanda Bynes looks so tight-lipped and stiff when she's introducing the video, it's almost as if she's in a hostage situation. I've never seen so much chagrin in a movie promotion, not even on late-nite talk shows. You've got a lot to learn, girlfriend!
2) This movie is rated PG-13 for, quote, "some language, sexual humor and partying." Yes. Partying.
3) The trailer for Sydney White makes that terrible ABC Family show Greek look like a legitimate portrayal of "college life." Now...that's quite the accomplishment. |
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| the narrative and comedic genius of me and francisco |
[Aug. 11th, 2007|12:16 am] |
~*BONUS DOWNLOAD TIME*~
click here to download a track that my friend and I laid down today.
it's mostly improvised and slightly obscene and very silly and pretty much unnecessary. but uh download it if you're bored for 3 minutes. or if you want to hear me talking over a funky beat.
fans of sexy stories and/or flight of the conchords will most likely enjoy it. send it to loved ones as an early christmas present. they'll love it.
ps: a few times we mention "Jarred" and "Jeremey." these are very not-subtle digs at friends of ours. |
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| my favorite beatles songs ever |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|11:27 pm] |
You Really Got a Hold On Me
Please Mr. Postman
Money (That's What I Want)
If I Fell
Anytime At All
I've Just Seen a Face
I'm A Loser
I'm Looking Through You
In My Life
If I Needed Someone
Paperback Writer
I'm Only Sleeping
She Said, She Said
And Your Bird Can Sing
For No One
Good Morning Good Morning
A Day in the Life
The Fool on the Hill
Baby You're a Rich Man
Hey Bulldog
Dear Prudence
Glass Onion
Happiness is a Warm Gun
I'm So Tired
Julia
Sexy Sadie
Long, Long, Long
Cry Baby Cry
Two of Us
I Me Mine
Don't Let Me Down
Across the Universe
Something
Oh! Darling
Sun King
Carry That Weight
there you go. in chronological order (mostly), my perfect beatles playlist.
The Beatles were my first "favorite band," and like my other first favorites (favorite movie: Ghost World, favorite artist: Alphonse Mucha, favorite book: The Bell Jar), they hit me at my most vulnerable age: between 12-14 years old. They all made quite an impression on me.
I realize that The Beatles are on a lot of people's favorite lists, but I can't help feeling like I have that strong "#1 Fan" connection with them sometimes. I don't listen to them as often as I did five years ago, but they really resonate through everything in my life, especially all the other music I like.
I also realize that any company can slap Beatles shit on anything, and it will sell, because they are undeniably one of the greatest bands ever; loved by elitists and "philistines" alike. I know that there are billions of other people in the world who love The Beatles, that I can't be the only one who devoured "The Beatles: Anthology" when it came out.
But sometimes, one of those songs will come on, and I can just close my eyes and lose myself in the music. At those moments, everything fades away, leaving just those four boys from Liverpool and me, their songs like an inside joke I remember from my early adolescence. |
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